Finding a Therapist

I am not sure if it is just coincidence or bad luck that the past 4 therapists I have tried to go to have been late, canceled, or simply forgotten about our appointments. Going to therapy at all was a challenge I took upon myself and accepted after finally witnessing the toll that the depth of my wild emotion was taking on my close relationships.

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I'm Not Falling for The System

The earth is currently the exact size that earth will always be, with all of the materials for our survival on board. Why then, am I called an idealist when all I want is to be able to exist in this world with this life and these people, while the money-mongers go on grasping at a disturbing allocation of wealth that is not representative of the resources that are literally diminishing underneath our noses.

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Idyll MercantileComment
We Need More Art

There is pressure to make MORE money, do MORE things, meet MORE people, eat MORE food, eat MORE of the right foods, walk MORE, exercise MORE, be MORE than we already are. We don’t need more. We have enough. We are enough. There is still the exact same amount of happiness available in the joy we find in the simple things.

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Our bodies: A map to our selves

Our bodies are our first guarantee. Take a second to feel your body. To move into your eyes that are moving across this page and processing lines that form words that form meaning that move into your brain. Feel your brain. A lump of muscle, floating in a fluid approximately the salinity of the sea, transmitting thought through a series of cords running down your back. Feel your back. Feel your spine. Feel…

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Boundaries

I had been so preoccupied with the variety of different me’s I could be that corresponded with whichever lover captured my interest, that I didn’t spend time defining my own. I followed my curiosity deeply, and was left with feelings of unsettledness and confusion as I lost interest and watched my partners lose interest in me. I see now why they interpreted my motives as “fake” though I still stand firm in my genuine curiosity and the truth I carried through all of my personas.

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Beginning Love

It begins here. A small city nestled between sandstone cliffs from middle earth, and the ocean that laps at their feet. Time and space change places here, while the world slips by in an endless summer. It is only natural that my heart is drawn towards a boy who has this land built into his bones. Who understands the intricacies of a town with everything, and yet somehow is still missing something. We have common ground to begin on. 

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Idyll MercantileComment
Me and the Block

I can love myself for my inconsistencies. The scatteredness of my writing. The mirror reflection of my inner workings that crave solitude and company simultaneously, while the inner critic pleads me a discipline. While suddenly my stomach grabs my attention and begs for food that I know too well will require an hour of my attention. The artist in me never sleeps.

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Idyll MercantileComment
I Am Here And I Care

That is community. That is love. That is what every spiritual teaching strives for. And that is what you can find at summer camp. There is a space on earth where every person is welcomed as they are and they are allowed to feel. Their joy and their sadness all have enough room at the table. I have enough room at the table for all of me. Even the pieces that are too hard to carry, are lighter when we share the load. 

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Sailing Before Swimming

Swimming in the depths is uncharted territory. The rush of a connection with a stranger is exhilarating. But we are human and we cannot hold our breaths for long enough to live there. If we learn how to sail. To stay afloat breathing in that wild beautiful air while filling our lungs with laughter. We can choose when to dive and when to breathe. We can choose who to dive with and trust that they'll stay as long as they can before swimming back up for air.

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