Beginning Love

“You don't want to let go, but don't want to be hurt, either. It's not a great place to be but what can I tell you?” 
― Junot Diaz, This Is How You Lose Her

It begins here. A small city nestled between sandstone cliffs from middle earth, and the ocean that laps at their feet. Time and space change places here, while the world slips by in an endless summer. It is only natural that my heart is drawn towards a boy who has this land built into his bones. Who understands the intricacies of a town with everything, and yet somehow is still missing something. We have common ground to begin on. 

I told myself I would never be in another long distance relationship. I told myself that lived experience is what is valuable and important for a partnership to survive. I told myself a lot of other things too, and yet I find myself here, a lover to a boy two states away. Why.

He is choosing me. He chooses me when he wakes up and he chooses me when I fall apart and he chooses me. And while I find myself battling the classic conundrum of whether or not this love even has a chance to live with the financial and logistical reality of our separateness, I find myself humbled and in gratitude for being chosen. 

I have dated far too many men who sit on a fence of indifference and indecisiveness. I believe that we know when our hearts our in, and when they are out. So to sit here in the space of a man who is in brings me the peace of knowing that this kind of person is out there. That what I believed is possible, is possible.