How to Break Up With Someone in a Foreign Country
“It always seems impossible until it's done.” — Nelson Mandela
Alright. We’ve all been there. We go on a romantic vacation with our partner and WHAM! out of no where they decide that you should break up. Okay, if we’re being honest, you went on this vacation to try to save your relationship and it didn’t work. Sucks a lot, but now we are here. However it rolled out, you now find yourself in a foreign country and single. The world is your literal oyster (whatever that means) and now you get to choose where your pearl is.
Good news is that you do not have to be stuck with the asshole who broke up with you (or who you broke up with). Bad news is that break ups suck no matter how you do them. So I’m here to give you some options. As a seasoned foreign country-breakup-girl, I have tried my fair share of tactics for coping. Here are the three I believe in the most. Good Luck my friends.
Survey where you are. We are looking for beauty. Something that with make you cry because you’re crying because you can’t believe you’re crying around something so beautiful. Think: beach, park, mountaintop, fancy architecture, cute cafe, whatever it is that strikes your fancy. Our immediate plan of attack is to obtain some numb-ers (ice cream, coffee, wine, bread) and go be somewhere pretty. The most honorable thing you can do for any relationship is to mourn it. You dated someone. You loved them. It is okay to be sad. Drown your sadness in something that will make you feel instantly good (not too much, you’ll end up hating yourself), and take yourself on the date he never took you on.
This plan leads to:When the initial shock and numbness has worn off, you will feel sad and lost. Thats okay. It’s natural and usual. Phone a friend. Reach out to the people who have your back. Listen to them and let them love you. Its their job. Unfortunately, being in a foreign country forces you to figure out a couple major details quickly. Find a moment in between the madness to think about where you want to be. Do you want to be crying in hostels? Do you want to GTFO of Europe and hit up Asia? Do you want to explore the world you never could with that person by your side? Or do you want to take a straight flight home?
Once you feel resolve, you have two options:
If you are staying in a foreign country, find the loosest looking person in your hostel and ask them if its crazy. They will say no. You will have the green light. GO!
If you are thinking about going home, call the first person you would want to see when you got home. They will console you, tell you to get on a plane immediately, and you will feel at peace.
If you’ve noticed, the key here is to reach out to the people who you secretly know will support your idea no matter what. You have the power to attract the support you need by asking the people who you know will give you the advice you want to hear.
This is dangerous territory because you can easily end up on a boat in the middle of a fjord in the middle of the night… but the stories are usually worth it, so sail on my friend.If you’ve decided to keep traveling, my only advice is to erase that suckers number and live up every single day to its fullest. Complain openly about the guy who dumped you, and you will be showered with gifts and treats and surprises. The world is wonderfully kind to the broken hearted. This is a great plan and you will discover many things that you did not know about yourself and the world. However, it will eventually end, and you will be forced back into the world that requires you to have income and relative stability… cross that bridge when you get to it.
If you’ve decided to go home to gain a couple extra months reclaiming your town… I salute you. This plan is fool proof. It takes a very strong person to see what they have left, and return to it with a sense of belonging. This path is hard. It requires a lot of untangling and re-inventing alongside your old selves… but you can do it. Now that you have the task of redefining your life (and if you’re anything like me, this can happen after a 2 week or 2 year relationship with the same amount of fervor), you must redefine your life. Sit yourself down, look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself who you are.
Who do you want to be?
Who haven’t you been with that person?
All said and done, whichever choice you make will be the right choice, because it’s you who made it. If you need to throw yourself a pity party, throw it in the company of others. Let yourself feel, and let yourself be held by all of those who feel with you. And trust me. There is someone on this planet who wants to hold you while you’re falling apart. Let them.
You are not alone, and you’re really lucky that you’re no longer in the same country as the son of a bitch who left you. Let that loser drift off to sea and pat yourself on the back for how hard you tried. Sometimes, it takes an ocean to show us where home is. We are here to hold you together on your way there.