“If I am really a part of your dream, you'll come back one day.” 

― Paulo Coelho

It was love. The gentle tug of the universe telling me I was ready to feel it. He landed in the crossfire and gently brought it out of me. Love danced wildly between us, slipping in and out of conversation, walks and hand holding. It was the closest I have felt to another person in years. He was real and open and kind. But something wasn't ready. I never fully believed that two people could love each other and know that it wasn't their time to be together, but now I do. 

The truth is that love doesn't care whether or not you're ready for it. It gently rolls in and surrounds you. Every person you meet reveals pieces of you to yourself. Some people bring out your light, some people bring out your dark, and some people bring the light to your darkness. There are levels and layers of love. I found myself in deep, exploring pieces of myself the I had hidden from myself and excited to meet someone so curious. I woke up to myself in this love, and found myself whole. I did not need this man and so I could love him. The deeper our love grew for each other, the more obvious it became that the greatest love we could give to each other was to let it go.

We tried to walk away three times, each time finding our way back to each other not quite believing it had to end. Until finally we understood the reality that neither one of us wanted to accept. It just wasn't our time. There was no fight, no anger, no uproar. Only the bittersweet truth that the truest form of love we could share with each other was to let each other go entirely. To let our hearts untangle themselves from each other and shake off the gentle hope of togetherness. To give each other freedom to be the entirety of ourselves, separate of each other. 

This space is love. This space is permission for the future to happen as it needs to. It is an end to the struggle of trying to be what we are not now. And a beginning to become so fully ourselves that if our lives run back together, we can be ready. It is up to the universe now how our lives are going to intertwine. When I release him, I release me, which releases our love to be whatever it is. Whatever it has been and will be dissolves and becomes everything.

His existence is real to me now. As I settle into this letting go, I understand how unbelievably beautiful what we had is. That our mutual respect for each other was strong enough to understand that we could not meet each others needs now. And because of this, now is not the time to be in each others lives. Holding on now would bring out pieces of ourselves that would hurt us later. To be true to our whole selves, we walk away accepting that time will either weave us back together or loosen the strings between us. 

The tension is released and the trust is established. What will be, will be and I am what I am. There is no resentment or anger. The sadness is faint and kind, a reminder of the beauty of believing in love. Fear has settled nicely in for the ride, mouth shut, observing without action. And I walk away with a heart full of love. Only love, only love, only love.