Aloneness and Loneliness
“That’s what meditation is all about, to be capable of being alone. And remember, aloneness is not loneliness. Loneliness is the state of the person who cannot live alone; loneliness means you are dependent on the crowd, on the other. Aloneness means you are happy with yourself, you are not dependent on anybody. The moment you are not dependent you are an emperor, you are a god, a goddess. Now you have something to share, you can go into the world.”
― Osho
Just as I encourage you to be more of you, I want you to encourage me to be more of me. I do not care for the petty arguments. There is not enough time for those. I want to talk about our dreams and help each other get there. Even if we are the only two people who believe in each other right now, I want to believe in you and I want you to believe in me. We believe in ourselves by doing. We believe in each other by watching. And with time, and grace, and patience, we grow.
The only thing I cannot do alone is hold myself. I cannot spoon myself to sleep, or kiss myself awake, but I have built myself up enough to stand on my own. I surround myself with people who speak to and support my passions and whose passions I, in turn can support. I am best supported by the artists. The dreamers. The naturalists. The believers. The people who seek connection deeper than the human connection within their lives. These people reflect back a version of myself that I want more of. Because I offer my true self to these relationships, I learn how to grow more into that self.
I have learned from my travels that I can be alone and greatly enjoy my own company. However, life is truly more meaningful when shared. I have needed the time and space to morph and change and experience and touch and taste the world to find who I am as I encounter it. And as I have been encountering the world, I have been becoming a self that I am excited to share. It has only been theory before, but now it is seeping into existence.
My lovers have been the men who believed in these dreams. These ideas of walking through nature with people. Of deep connection with the earth by existing in it. A desire to spread awareness through community by showing, not telling. My lovers have listened to my songs, admired my art, and nurtured the pieces of myself that I keep for myself. When I share these sacred spaces I am loving. When I share them, I allow myself to be loved. I needed this love to know where I needed love. Now that I know where I need love, I reach out to fill it in myself.
I believe in myself as an artist. A healer. A bridge. A lover. A friend. A woman. I am learning how to embody the woman I want to carry through the world, and I no longer need a man to fill that love. It is in me... my path is clear. Yet, as I walk this path into myself I humbly admit my desire to share the journey. I invite love to find me there on my path. Knowing full well that I am on a path and not yet at a destination. That I have as much fear as hope for where I am headed, and that I am at the whim of trust to get me there.
The trust that the energy I put in will come back to me. I trust myself now to be all of myself. I've learned my strengths and I am learning to love my weaknesses. I want company that does not need me, but is better with me. Because I have learned how to be alone, and I have learned how to love myself alone, and I know that the person that I am ready to share is worth being loved. And I want to be loved as I am, so that I do not have to do it alone any longer. And that maybe we can grow together, so happy in ourselves that we can be happy for each other