"When two people meet and fall in love, there's a sudden rush of magic. Magic is just naturally present then. We tend to feed on that gratuitous magic without striving to make any more. One day we wake up and find that the magic is gone. We hustle to get it back, but by then it's usually too late, we've used it up. What we have to do is work like hell at making additional magic right from the start. It's hard work, but if we can remember to do it, we greatly improve our chances of making love stay."

-Tom Robbins

Some people live for the rush. For the curiosity of meeting someone new, and catapulting themselves into it. There is beauty in the unknown, in the mystery, in the unspoken attraction. Some people live in this rush their entire life. Jumping into one relationship after the other without ever landing on the ground. They want love and wonder why they can't seem to make it stay, yet every time they get close to it, they run. Why?

We seem to forget that we create the magic. That there is a universal magic in falling in love with a stranger, but there is another type of magic within our control of continuously falling in love with the same person. I am actually not sure if there is anything more magic than falling in love with the same person for an entire lifetime. The idea that one person could be dynamic, and fluid, and malleable enough to continuously captivate our interest and heart. This is what I believe in. 

There are tricks, even to magic. Magic as a verb is to "move, change, or create by or as if by some other force." We like magic when it is happening, but some people lose interest once the tricks are exposed. Men, particularly young men, are often the same way in love. They are looking for that magic, and once they get close to the point where they believe the tricks have been revealed, they lose interest and turn their sights elsewhere. 

What they don't realize is that behind their disenchantment with magic, their disinterest is rooted in a multitude of personal issues. The "chase" relies on wondering if a person likes you. If you aren't sure that your lover likes you, then there is incentive to perform for and pursue that person. However, once that person admits their feelings for you, the wonder is diminished and the game is over. This is a selfish game. It relies on the foundation that there is always someone new, better, or more than the person in front of you. It only serves the ego to learn how many different people can love you, but until you stop the cycle yourself, it will continue. 

The way to stop the cycle is to make a choice to stop. The question is not about the other person. The question is about you: Are you happy with the version of you that you bring to love? Chances are high that if you're running around falling in and out of love, that you're seeking some sort of validation. You want people to like you, but when they do, you run. Why?

Because you aren't sure if you like yourself. You can very easily become addicted to the reflections and adoration of lovers. This doesn't require the effort it takes to truly learn who you are when you are on your own. You are enchanted by new insights into yourself through lovers eyes because they reveal things you may not know about yourself. What you don't realize is that you can cultivate that magic WITHIN yourself. Of course you can love a million different people... you ARE a million different people. The question is which of the million people do you want to BE not BE WITH. 

Once you become the entire mystery of you, you open yourself to true love. It takes complete acceptance of the shadow and the light, your good and bad sides, to allow someone to love you. When you understand how deeply complex you are, then you attract something of equal complexity. Fear in love arises when someone feels loved for something they are not. The funny thing is that the only thing they have to do is to be the person they are and want to be loved for. Even when who we are is in motion. Change is constant in nature, why would humans be excluded from that rule? The only way to make love last is to embrace this change. To accept that we are constantly changing and nothing is permanent and to understand that the person in our hands also exists in this impermanence, and will not stay if we do not do the work to keep the magic alive. 

Everyone is good at the honeymoon stage. It is an exciting dance of dates and conversation and adventure. Of course people fall in love here. People can stay here too. The honeymoon stage doesn't have to end. It lives on surprise and renewal. It breathes on two people choosing each other every day, even when it doesn't make sense. The secret is self-love. When we take care of ourselves and our passions... we inherently like ourselves more, and allow others to as well. When you like yourself, you do not need to find yourself in other people. You don't have room for people who do not support you on your path. This means that the chase is over and the door is open for someone who has done or is willing to do the work to know themselves so they can meet you where you are. 

I believe in magic. I believe in love. I believe the only game in love should be how to keep the magic alive. The future will unfold at it's own pace. It takes time to learn a person. Emotions, good and bad, will both swim through. Those are the puzzle pieces ONLY time can unravel. They can, and should unravel slowly. There is no rush. Have fun and stop taking yourself seriously. Know your worth, own it, and remember to play. If love leaves, which it sometimes does without warning, then you can walk away knowing that your magic was good. That the magic was not real, but rather an illusion. True love is a magic trick that keeps us on our toes. We acknowledge how quickly it can change, and play our part in keeping it alive. Of consistently growing and learning yourself so that you can learn others. When you understand how deeply epic you are, then you start looking for that epicness in others. And suddenly, when you find a person whose epicness matches your own, you get to decide how you are going to keep the magic alive.