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About the Writer
The truth is that we write our love stories. The catch is only the beginning of whether or not you and the other person has what it takes to make love last.
For the first time in my life I have love like this in the place where I live. It has taken three years for me to form friendships that I can rely on. People who speak the language of effort, who I call for good news and bad news, and we make dinners together and go for walks and share the intimacy of seeing and being seen.
I believe in synchronicities and the ache in our hearts when we feel we have landed somewhere we are meant to. I believe that there are lessons along the way, and that joy is an indicator that your * soul * is on the right track.
Everything aches. After one month of bending over, pulling crop fabric, planting, weeding and everything else that farming is, my body is tired. It’s good kind of tired though. And to be honest, wrestling my farm manager may have been what pushed me over the edge. All I can say is that, everything hurts.
This is an interesting topic to embark on. Those who are ‘happy’ are often lumped into, ‘They’re fine.’ or ‘They don’t need help.’ For the most part, this is true. We have built in coping mechanisms that push us to pursue happiness. Most of us developed these in childhood, sometimes from traumatic experiences, and they are how we are able to move through and function in the world.
I sat down with my boss at the beginning of the quarantine. Working in hospitality, I anticipated our inevitable demise during this pandemic. He gently assured me, ‘I can only keep your benefits while you are employed, so we will try our best to keep you employed.’ The next day, all of my friends in the hospitality industry were let go on furlough. I remained employed.
I say all this to affirm how long it takes for a pattern to break. It takes some mistakes. It will not look perfect from the beginning. It will be disorienting to re-wire your heart to nourish instead of self sabotage. But what you will get is a partner. A friend. Someone who listens, and loves, and adapts, with your best interest in mind. They will walk a couple steps ahead of you, and notice shifts in your mood. Their purpose will be to live a life that uplifts yours at the same time.
I think we all spend a lot of time feeling like we are the only one’s feeling whatever it is that we are going through. We forget so easily how impossible the idea of disconnection